Vern's Verbal Vibe

Singer-songwriter/multi-instrumentalist and purveyor of folk 'n' roll: spirit-filled sad songs made better.

September 24, 2011

The Big Maclica

I've been a vegetarian for 20 years now. I rarely miss meat, but once in a while that Big Mac craving overtakes me. (All together now, those of you who came of age in the '70s: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun.") Alas, McDonald's doesn't make a vegetarian version of the Big Mac. What to do? Shows you where my brain is at, does it not, that this is a vexing preoccupation. Anyway, I humbly offer ...

  1. Find a McDonald's and a Burger King within a block of each other. (Hint for Torontonians: Eglinton Avenue, north side, just east of Yonge.)
  2. Stop in at Mickey D's first and order a Big Mac with no meat. You should get the above minus the two all-beef patties. If you don't, send it back and ask them to try again. Sadly, you'll pay full price for this lighter-than-air burger.
  3. Stash the Meatless Mac in your backpack and sashay into Burger King.
  4. Order the BK Veggie with an extra patty. Make it a combo with fries and a drink if you'd like.
  5. When your order arrives, surreptitiously transfer the BK Veggie patties to the Mac. Discard the BK bun and toppings or enjoy them as a side dish; your choice.
  6. Dig into your replica Big Mac, a.k.a. The Big Maclica.
I'll be trying this out tonight; will let you know how it goes.

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